Just lettin’ ya know…
By Elizabeth | May 13, 2008
Posting is gonna be a bit light here this week due to spending time with a friend at the hospital.
Send good thoughts!
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Ouchie.
By Elizabeth | May 12, 2008
Yesterday, I received my first Mother’s Day related injury. That’s amusing, in a way, because my family celebrated Mother’s Day on Friday with a nice Mexican dinner at a restaurant nearby. On the actual day, none of us had anything pressing to do. So I continued with my spring/life cleaning and my brother stopped by to go through the piles of things he had left behind when he moved out.
My brother dug up some fairly cool stuff. One of the items was a potholder loom and colored loops that I hadn’t seen since elementary school. I recall with fondness the countless potholders I made as a child, back in the days when I was crafty. Two of those potholders remain in my mother’s kitchen and my mother has spoken wistfully in the recent past of how much she has enjoyed them and how well they have held up to heavy use. With Mom in mind, I set out to make my first potholder in twenty years. I was stunned to discover how quickly the nuances of the motions came back to me yet there was still a pirate’s allotment of cursing, a little bit of contented humming, and some ridiculous looks of concentration. Sooner than I expected, I had a finished potholder. Even better, the colors were fantastic - which is no small feat given the atrocious selection left in the box we found.
My mother gasped with surprise and delight when I presented it to her, telling me how much she had wanted another one and how store bought potholders couldn’t hold a candle to my handmade pieces. She was so happy that in her rush to give me a hug, she knocked the glass blender pitcher off the table where it was drying…right…on…my…toe. I tried hard not to cry, so I grunted and sweated instead. It was only a couple months ago that I injured my big toe on the opposite foot when I fell down the stairs. That toe still isn’t all the way healed. Now my left foot is in agony, my middle toe a mess of black and blue and broken skin. I can’t tell if it’s broken. It hurts too damn much to find out. My mom rushed to get me ice and had tears in her eyes when the ice made my toe ache even more. She felt horrible. Still, it’s almost amusing to me now that my normally careful and reserved mom knocked something over in excitement…even if it hurt when it landed.
Good thing I’ve got a potholder loom to keep me occupied while I put my foot up and ice the living hell out of it!
I love you, Mom!
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I’ve been laughing about this all day…
By Elizabeth | May 9, 2008
Happy Friday, everyone!
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Simplification.
By Elizabeth | May 8, 2008
If there is anything I’ve learned over the past three or four years, it’s that the more I give up the happier I am. The dreams I had constructed for myself in my early twenties have smoothed out and simplified. No longer do I dream of a big house or brand new cars or 2.5 kids or climbing ladders to financial success. Nowadays my dreams involve a cozy small apartment within walking distance to shopping and work. I dream about painting the walls of that cozy apartment in bright and obnoxious colors. I dream about learning to cook wondrous fresh foods in my very own kitchen. At times, I dream of sharing my life with a dog for the first time and saving money and the freedom of not owning my residence so that I’m free to pick up and move whenever I choose.
Already, I’ve started moving toward those new dreams. Slowly, I’m letting go of the stuff I’ve filled my life with in the past. I’m letting go of the expectations I’ve been told I should have and am examining what really, truly, makes me happy. Yesterday, I posted ads on craigslist to sell off or give away the movies and CDs that no longer float my boat. Next, I’ll go through my massive collection of books and magazines. I will sort through my tiny wardrobe yet again and give away the items I don’t absolutely love. By paring down my life, I will ready myself for those simple dreams. Every item I jettison, will leave me lighter and more nimble as I face the leaps that will be required of me later.
Finally getting off my ass and sloughing off the burdens I’ve busied myself by dragging from place to place makes me feel as though I’ve squared my shoulders and readied myself to charge the universe screaming, “BRING IT ON!” Strangely enough, I didn’t even believe I had so many things to get rid of until the last few days. I thought that I had already emptied my life to the bare minimum. Perhaps that was true at one time. What I know without a doubt is that it is not true anymore.
I am ready to be free of that which I do not love.
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Tidbit…
By Elizabeth | May 7, 2008
Erin at My Improvisational Life posted a tidbit that I found especially disappointing and revealing:
I once asked the put forth a question in a community of women I am a part of – what would happen if tomorrow morning everyone woke up and stopped hating herself? The answers I got shocked me to the core. Most women talked about how terrible it would be – how we would all “let ourselves go” and how unhealthy we would all become, as if the end of self-hatred would mean a neverending diet of ice cream and potato chips, and none of us would ever get up off the couch, or even out of bed, according to what those women were saying. It strikes me as backwards and disturbing that so many women view self-hatred, shame, and external pressures about their opinions as a primary motivator to take care of themselves. It also disturbs me that so many women view restriction diets as “good” and giving their bodies the food they need as “bad”.
Readers, your thoughts? How would you answer that question?
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Connection…
By Elizabeth | May 6, 2008
Yesterday was my favorite kind of day. It was beautiful and warm but, more than that, I was feeling a really great and friendly vibe with just about every single person I interacted with. It is a rare and wonderful thing when I feel open enough in heart, mind, and spirit to truly connect with so many people. There wasn’t a whiff of self-consciousness or the self-protection I’ve had to invoke so often in my life to protect me from the (assumed) judgement of others (when often what I was actually participating in was the slicing away of my own self-esteem using other individuals as the tools to do so).
Nope, yesterday was full of heartfelt contact. I shared smiles, gratitude, and deep appreciation with those who crossed my path. Those brief encounters were filled with the honest acknowledgment that all of us were simply doing our best and were valuable for no other reason than existing!
Instead of viewing those people who entered my life yesterday as obstacles, issues, bothers, means to an end, or annoyances, they were neighbors, friends, and fellow humans with whom I was surprised to have so much in common. Unwrapping ourselves from ourselves isn’t like exposing a wound for others to infect. It is lifting your face to the sunshine and taking a deep, calming, breath.
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The Third of May…
By Elizabeth | May 5, 2008
This past Saturday, the 3rd of May, was the thirteenth anniversary of my father’s death. I was fifteen years old when he passed. People tell me all the time that my father is watching out for me and is proud of the woman that I’ve become. That’s such a tough thing to hear when all I can remember are the countless performances and special occasions and accomplishments and moments when his absence felt like a gaping hole in my life. I recall how my family fell apart when he died and how things never truly healed and how my mother worked so hard, even though her world had fallen down around her ears and she was so alone. I feel a keen stabbing pain when I am reminded that my dad won’t be walking me down the aisle at my future wedding.
Even in the lowest times when I am missing him the worst, a part of me senses that he is pleased with how his little girl has grown up. I’d like to think that he celebrates my happy life along with me and that perhaps he has had something to do with how those wonderful circumstances entered my life in the first place.
In honor of my father’s memory, I would like to share one of my two published stories. Tiger Lilies and Saying Goodbye is about my relationship with my dad and what I remember of the day he died. I’ve put it behind a cut due to length.
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Friday Recommendation…
By Elizabeth | May 2, 2008
Go see Iron Man. Now. It’s so awesome. I’d see it at least four more times, if not more. I think it’s the best comic book movie I’ve ever seen.
That is all.
Oh, and if you haven’t see it already, go rent Kinky Boots. It’s a very fun movie.
Have a spiffy weekend!
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Angry grapes…
By Elizabeth | May 1, 2008
Earlier today, I thought foolishly that I was feeling better and that perhaps my cold was on it’s merry way. Oh, I was so wrong.
So, to tide my readers over until I’m braining a bit better, here are some angry grapes (grapes of wrath?).
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My feetz. They be made for walkins.
By Elizabeth | April 30, 2008
A friend of mine pointed me toward a fascinating article in New York magazine about feet. More than that, it’s about how shoes aren’t doing our feet any favors. The article itself is a bit long but the trompel’oeil photographs and interesting subject matter make it a worthwhile read all the way to the end.
Seeing as I’m a huge supporter of being nice to our bodies, I’m not sure there is anything more basic than treating our feet kindly. As I read the article, I thought a lot about a friend of mine who went for years never wearing shoes. He used to tell me there was nothing as wonderful as going barefoot. Even nowadays he only wears shoes to work and to restaurants. I always thought I was too much of a tenderfoot to pull it off quite like he did. But perhaps I could get a bit closer to the barefoot goal with these…or maybe these….oh, hell even these.
I find it interesting that so many women will spend so much money getting pedicures and foot massages only to stuff their feet into high-heeled torture devices. Nobody even bothers to pretend that such shoes feel good. Yet we know that walking barefoot on grass feels amazing and often the first thing we do after a long day at work is kick off our shoes. Perhaps we should listen to what our feet have been screaming at us for years. Perhaps heels should be more of an exception than a rule.
All I’m saying is that when comfort is a higher priority than looks, we’ll have a better chance to appreciate our entire bodies exactly the way they are simply because they’re doing what they’re supposed to do. We can’t expect to feel at home in a body that is being forced to conform to unnatural shapes and sizes and movements. We also can’t be expected to feel a deep connection to the world around us when we wrap our most sensitive parts in rubber, leather, and plastic.
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